Are You On The Naughty List?

All I want for Christmas: Guns, strippers, and booze.

Dec 15, 2025

It’s Unhinged Christmas Album Release Day, friends, here we go …

I’m going to lay out some context for this post, because things are about to get weird.

This is a prime example of what happens when you allow yourself to be creative, chase your crazy ideas, and organically turn what starts as “a goofy idea” into a fully realized universe of Intellectual Property.

So if you’ve ever wondered “what do I do with this idea?” - this post is for you.

Before I go on, behold, the singularity of a years-long fiction project that started with a short story, and a “villain” that entertained the hell out of most everyone (except one lady at a live reading who took issue with Uncle Floyd’s honest relationship advice):

Now if you watch this and you’re thinking to yourself, “What the HELL did I just watch?”

Buckle up, buttercup.

Yes, The Album Is Real.

And it is release day! You can grab it on Spotify, YouTube Music, Apple Music, and anywhere streaming is a thing. Definitely go do that, give a follow, play the songs, and enjoy some holiday comedy. I’ll be posting the lyrics up in pinned comments on the YouTube videos on my Official XXXII Artist Channel.

This particular musical project has been in the works for about 3 months, but the origin story - well that’s where the real magic happened.

It All Started With A Short Story Pitch.

Back in 2023 I was attending LibertyCon in Tennessee, and met up with the good people at Three Ravens Publishing. I got home from that convention inspired to write, and with the news that they were accepting short stories.

The issue? The deadline was three days away.

So I sat down and wrote “The Ballad of Esmerelda Calhoun” - a rockabilly romp of unhinged redneck horror comedy. In fact, here’s the original pitch from the email submission after I spent three frantic days writing, re-writing, proofing and editing a story to meet the deadline:

On Chester Cooper’s 18th birthday, his uncle Floyd arrives to take him for a bonding trip in the Alabama swamp. What starts as a lesson in manhood taught by a deadbeat father-figure turns into a campfire story about Esmerelda Six-Cylinder Sugarsphincter Calhoun, the Hillbilly Swamp Witch of Black Belt, Alabama and her lost true love, rockabilly crooner Harlan Willis of “Harlan Willis and the Slant Six.” While speaking her name, the duo inadvertently summon the abomination, and Chester must stand his ground against both the supernatural beast, and his degenerate uncle.

I launched the story into the publisher’s inbox with no idea what would happen, but I was expecting rejection, to be honest.

What Happened Next? LOL.

The story was accepted, included, and I had an official short story published in a fun anthology. People enjoyed it, enjoyed Uncle Floyd’s unhinged advice to Chester, and the fact that while he was a villain, it’s mostly because he’s a sociopathic disaster of a human being - a narcissistic misogynist criminal who, if this were a movie - would be the kind of character that chews up the screen.

Think Jeffrey Dean Morgan cooking meth in bathtubs and telling you to put gasoline in your armpits because ladies love the smell of masculinity.

All the swagger and intimidation, but with unhinged and absurd comedic timing. Homie is as close to Uncle Floyd as you could get.

Next - Uncle Floyd’s Self-Help Book?

I wanted to write more of the character, so since the contracted story was over with, it was back in my hands to re-publish. So I came up with a wild idea that Uncle Floyd was in the middle of writing a relationship book for men.

That’s right! Uncle Floyd’s tome of unhinged male relationship advice to better connect to the lovely lady in your life. And I called it …

HOW TO EXPOSE YOURSELF TO WOMEN!

So at this point, what was a quick idea turned short story ended up being a re-published novella LOADED with hysterical gags. Two exchanges with my awesome editor (The uncanny Tim McKay):

Reviews came in, and while “HOW TO EXPOSE YOURSELF TO WOMEN” remains a highly niche, relatively unknown (if I may) cult classic, the feedback was stellar from both men AND women. I read the book live during LibertyCon 2025, and I had a room of 30 people howling at Uncle Floyd’s unhinged relationship advice.

WTF Does This Have To Do With Christmas?

An evolution, personally and professionally.

I began experimenting with lyric writing, music (AI stem generation/instrumentation), arrangements, and audio mastering. I have always been a music guy, even ran a radio show for a couple of years back in the day.

So “Why Not?” I thought. Make a Christmas Album, but from the viewpoint of degenerate sociopath, Uncle Floyd? All about him hooking up with Mrs. Claus, kidnapping strippers, stuffing thermite under his neighbors trailer, giving the gift of his manhood to his girlfriend for Christmas, and a warning about getting drunk on Christmas Eve, capped by a visit to his girlfriend’s liberal In-Laws!

Behold, Uncle Floyd’s Naughty List Christmas - Seven of the most unhinged comedy Christmas classics (if I may).

The Most Important Part?

For those of you who are creatives, it’s important to understand that the only thing restraining yourself from creating an IP that reaches multiple people from multiple angles is … well … you.

If I sat here and said, “No, creating a parody self-help book called HOW TO EXPOSE YOURSELF TO WOMEN will get me into trouble,” I would’ve censored myself and missed out. If I said, “No, I don’t know how to make music,” I wouldn’t have dipped into song-writing (something that has quite literally saved me from some deep and unfortunate trauma patterns). If I said, “No, I don’t know how to design anything,” I wouldn’t have made great graphics, imagery, and promo material.

Your IP - that gorgeous idea sitting in your brain - deserves to be out in the world. All you have to do is have an open mind, learn, and create. There is such a tiny runway between your idea and bringing it fully to life that there is no excuse for you to be a one-dimensional creator.

Make it!